it never ends

One of the legacies of miscarriage is that even now, all these months after W has arrived, I still find myself checking the TP every single time I go to the bathroom. I still expect to see blood. And when I see it because it's that time of the month, I still catch my breath. Just for a moment. I used to hate this phrase, but I feel it: I keep expecting the other shoe to drop, even when there is no shoe in the air.