Friday, September 24, 2010

I suck at this

I have wanted a blog for many years, not so much for other people to read, but to collect my thoughts. Journaling has gotten boring for me lately. I love paper, pens, special notebooks (my favorites have always been Moleskine ones). But I wanted a new outlet. I wanted to be pushed to write, not to find the notebook and say, "Oh, yeah. I keep a journal. Better start writing again."
And yet it's not working. I'm not giving up on it, though. I'm still convinced this can work. Maybe the issue is that journaling, either in ink-paper or internet form, is difficult right now. I can't find time to breathe, much less journal.
I should breathe more. I need more space in my life that is not required or mandated by a screaming child. I need time for me again. How cliche is that? And yet, it's also true.
So here I am. Breathing for a moment. Writing for a few moments. And hoping that this will stick somehow.
In other brief news, W said his first real word today: bye bye. His grandparents were walking out the door, saying "bye bye" over and over again (while I gritted my teeth and wanted them to walk faster so I could get on with our day). And after one of the many "bye byes," W clearly said "bye bye" in the sweetest little voice, his hand opening and closing like a slow starfish. We all heard it and it prompted many attempts to get him to say it again. Of course, he babbled about other things and we couldn't get another "bye bye." Oh, it was so lovely. It was like a little window into what we're going to be hearing soon. We'll hear actual words, we'll know what this little guy is thinking about, and a new chapter in our lives will begin. I can't wait, but I also want to savor this little moment. One small word among the babbles. One bit of meaning. So beautiful.

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