still breathing

First, a quick update. We got the second and final round of sequential screening results and they're much better than the first. For Down syndrome, it's 1 in 2,800, for neural tube disorders, it's 1 in 6,500, and for the other trisomies, it's 1 in 10,000. Much better. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was really getting ready to do the amnio and was feeling panicky on a daily basis, but these numbers have allowed the demons to retreat a bit (for now) and for me to start enjoying the pregnancy again. Yes, this baby could be the 1 in any one of those scenarios; as they say, someone has to be that one. But I've breathed a lot in the last few weeks, I've read more about Down syndrome, and have accepted that this baby will be who it is and we will love it unconditionally. That's what unconditional means, right?

My meditation group has been a great help to me, not because I've shared any of this with them or even expressed my rampant anxieties. It's just been great to have them there, week after week. As they breathe in and out, so do I. And life goes on and on. We just finished reading Momma Zen, which I enjoyed quite a bit, and we're on to read something else about parenthood and buddhism. Keeping me sane.

I miss blogging. I've been blogging off and on in some form since 2000, and I read blogs obsessively. Those of you who stop by to read every now and then: I DO read your blogs and I appreciate your willingness to keep reading mine from time to time. I'll figure out what I'm doing here soon enough. But really: I'm reading and am walking this path with you. Thank you for sticking with me, a new blogger on the scene.

By the way, I have a new post germinating in draft form about working full time and being a mom. It started as a rant but I'm refining it into a statement of purpose, and I hope to get it up later this week. Honestly, the thing that stops me from having time to blog and comment more often is work, damnit.