This is a follow-up to my last post.
After we got home from the strange discovery that W is not speaking much at daycare, we had a brief talk about it at the dinner table. I told W that it's totally fine if he chooses not to talk at daycare (or anywhere, for that matter). I said that I respected him and want him to take his time doing new things if he so chooses. But I also said that it might be nice to talk at daycare a little bit more than he does now. He might enjoy participating in circle time or story time. W didn't really respond. I didn't expect him to. But I figured it couldn't hurt to briefly address the situation with him.
Well, when I picked him up yesterday, the teacher said, "W has been talking all day! He shouted out animals and colors during story time with the other kids!" and the note on his daily report said that he was chatty and seemed to have fun all day.
Is it possible that my toddler understood our dinner conversation and changed his behavior as a result? Fascinating!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
he's okay, i'm okay
Yesterday, my husband and I were picking the kids up from daycare and one of the teachers asked us if W is talking at all at home. "Huh?" I said to myself? You mean my chatty little toddler is not chatting well at daycare? And they explained that they rarely hear him speak at all, not to teachers or students. I assured them up and down that W is chatty, that he talks in short sentences, and that I hear new words almost every day, many of which he's learning at daycare and which I'm taking as a good sign that daycare is a fine place for him to be. It's all true--he is chatty. He does talk a lot. And he's still mimicking us and then using those new words in sentences of his own design.
I've been mulling it all over, though, and am concerned. I don't particularly like his current teacher, and I have a sense (rightly or wrongly, I'm not sure) that she's the kind of teacher--a very common kind, I might add--who tends to reward louder or more demanding kids. What I mean is that there are studies to show that kids who act out or who are loud and boisterous tend to get more face-time and attention from teachers because they demand it. My kid, however, is shaping up to be more like I was as a child: sensitive, able to go along with the flow, shy, and not necessarily demanding anything from anyone. I hated teachers who put me on the spot (as this teacher does in "circle time") or who repeatedly asked me questions when I just wasn't in the mood to talk.
I have a feeling that W would be far happier at a montessori or montessori-like school, but there aren't any nearby or convenient. The closest one that I've heard rave reviews of would add 45 minutes to an hour to my already long (45 minute) commute to and from work. Impossible.
So do I leave my kid where he is and hope for the best? Do I assume that he'll start adapting to this environment, or that his current adaptation will just work okay? He doesn't seem worse for the wear. He's usually smiling when I pick him up from daycare. And while he's not smiling when I drop him off, the other kids aren't either.
As I think it through, I'm also reflecting on what I would have wanted as a child. I went to a montessori preschool for about six months when I was four or so and I remember loving it. It was one of the few childhood school environments I think fondly of; the rest all blur together in a haze of dodgeball, disappointment in my peers' reading levels, and general boredom. In the end, I wasn't the worse for the wear, either. I have a Ph.D., for crying out loud, so I found a love of learning and school despite those bad early experiences. I imagine that happened in large part because of my mother, who guided me toward a love of books from day one (as I will guide my kids to do as well). The shyness did suck during high school and college--hell, it still sucks today--but this might just be who I am.
Our kids are little reflections of ourselves. They show us who we are today, who we were, and who we wish we were and are. They're more than reflections of course--they are their own full people and I don't mean to suggest that they only exist for me to understand myself. But it seems clear today that part of parenting is self-reflection, as painful and awkward as it is.
I have no clear answers about what I'll do. I suspect we'll keep him where he is and see what happens next. If he doesn't start feeling comfortable enough to speak at daycare, perhaps we'll revisit.
By the way, I owe you all a quick update on the post-partum anxiety front: the anxiety is slowly going away! It's not completely gone and I still catch myself doing the ocd behaviors around bedtime and nursing at night, but they're quieter and less intrusive. The anxiety is not crushing or panicky. I think the post-partum hormones must be easing off and I'm returning to my normal levels. Life is feeling more relaxing by the day. Good news, right?
I've been mulling it all over, though, and am concerned. I don't particularly like his current teacher, and I have a sense (rightly or wrongly, I'm not sure) that she's the kind of teacher--a very common kind, I might add--who tends to reward louder or more demanding kids. What I mean is that there are studies to show that kids who act out or who are loud and boisterous tend to get more face-time and attention from teachers because they demand it. My kid, however, is shaping up to be more like I was as a child: sensitive, able to go along with the flow, shy, and not necessarily demanding anything from anyone. I hated teachers who put me on the spot (as this teacher does in "circle time") or who repeatedly asked me questions when I just wasn't in the mood to talk.
I have a feeling that W would be far happier at a montessori or montessori-like school, but there aren't any nearby or convenient. The closest one that I've heard rave reviews of would add 45 minutes to an hour to my already long (45 minute) commute to and from work. Impossible.
So do I leave my kid where he is and hope for the best? Do I assume that he'll start adapting to this environment, or that his current adaptation will just work okay? He doesn't seem worse for the wear. He's usually smiling when I pick him up from daycare. And while he's not smiling when I drop him off, the other kids aren't either.
As I think it through, I'm also reflecting on what I would have wanted as a child. I went to a montessori preschool for about six months when I was four or so and I remember loving it. It was one of the few childhood school environments I think fondly of; the rest all blur together in a haze of dodgeball, disappointment in my peers' reading levels, and general boredom. In the end, I wasn't the worse for the wear, either. I have a Ph.D., for crying out loud, so I found a love of learning and school despite those bad early experiences. I imagine that happened in large part because of my mother, who guided me toward a love of books from day one (as I will guide my kids to do as well). The shyness did suck during high school and college--hell, it still sucks today--but this might just be who I am.
Our kids are little reflections of ourselves. They show us who we are today, who we were, and who we wish we were and are. They're more than reflections of course--they are their own full people and I don't mean to suggest that they only exist for me to understand myself. But it seems clear today that part of parenting is self-reflection, as painful and awkward as it is.
I have no clear answers about what I'll do. I suspect we'll keep him where he is and see what happens next. If he doesn't start feeling comfortable enough to speak at daycare, perhaps we'll revisit.
By the way, I owe you all a quick update on the post-partum anxiety front: the anxiety is slowly going away! It's not completely gone and I still catch myself doing the ocd behaviors around bedtime and nursing at night, but they're quieter and less intrusive. The anxiety is not crushing or panicky. I think the post-partum hormones must be easing off and I'm returning to my normal levels. Life is feeling more relaxing by the day. Good news, right?
Sunday, February 26, 2012
PAIL
Elphaba had a great idea: to create a blogroll for people who are parenting after infertility and/or loss (PAIL, for short). It's true, I think, that those of us on this blogroll may be different than other parents, and it's exciting to think we might have a place, together. I don't think of myself as part of the world of infertility and loss anymore and I certainly don't identify as a mommy blogger. In fact, I recoil from many mommy blogs, and I can't quite put my finger on why, though perhaps my identify as a member of PAIL is a big clue, huh?
Anyway, I invite you to head over and check it out!
Anyway, I invite you to head over and check it out!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Susan
Susan Niebur, of Toddler Planet, has died. As a longtime reader, I'm incredibly sad and am holding her family in my heart with lots of love. As a tribute to Susan, please also read her very important explanation of inflammatory breast cancer.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Prepared. No kidding!
Just a quick post to say that I spent the last few hours cooking several main dishes for the week, all of which can also work for W's lunches. I made a red lentil thing that goes over rice (all homemade), linguine with chickpeas and (not homemade but organic and yummy) red sauce, mac and cheese (again, not homemade but relatively good organic Ann.ie's from a box), batches of steamed broccoli and zucchini, and some beautifully sauteed tofu cubes (W loves these!).
In other words, I--the woman who is perpetually unprepared for her life these days--is prepared for the week and can whip up meals without too much stress. I'll make more veggies on the fly to accompany these dishes, M will make some chicken for W's lunches, and we can do fruit on demand. The only other thing I'm contemplating is a batch of oatmeal for mornings. Will oatmeal keep for several days if I make a big batch and scoop out a bit at a time for me and W to eat for breakfast? Or will it get gluey? I'll have to goo.gle it and see what's what. Mornings are too busy for me to make oatmeal. We run out the door by 7:30 and even when I get up at 5:45 it's tight. Toddlers move so slowly!
That's it. Nothing brilliant to share or smart to say. But I'm proud of myself and I thought you might be proud of me, too!
In other words, I--the woman who is perpetually unprepared for her life these days--is prepared for the week and can whip up meals without too much stress. I'll make more veggies on the fly to accompany these dishes, M will make some chicken for W's lunches, and we can do fruit on demand. The only other thing I'm contemplating is a batch of oatmeal for mornings. Will oatmeal keep for several days if I make a big batch and scoop out a bit at a time for me and W to eat for breakfast? Or will it get gluey? I'll have to goo.gle it and see what's what. Mornings are too busy for me to make oatmeal. We run out the door by 7:30 and even when I get up at 5:45 it's tight. Toddlers move so slowly!
That's it. Nothing brilliant to share or smart to say. But I'm proud of myself and I thought you might be proud of me, too!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
slammed
It's week two of the semester and I am just now poking my head out to see that the world still exists. It's also week two of E going to day care. I like our day care a lot and all, but still....it's so hard for me to be sending a tiny little four month old baby there three days a week. She's really fine. It's just me. I wish I was at home snuggling with her.
So I'm feeling completely slammed. My days are a long list of things to do: wash bottles, organize W's lunches and make sure he's getting enough fruits and vegetables, wash my work clothes and organize my pumping stuff, make my lunches, etc. I remember this feeling from when I went back to work with W--it felt then like I'd never adjust and that I'd always be working through long lists and doing prep work for everything to go off without too many hitches. And then I got used to it. I stopped feeling so slammed and overburdened. It started to feel like a normal routine.
Maybe I'll be there next week. I have so many comments I want to make (I'm going to spend some time at work today catching up on my blog reading...yay!) and there are posts in the hopper that I haven't had time or mental energy to complete. Soon, soon, I hope.
This working full time and parenting two little ones is hard. Heck, parenting in general is hard, who am I kidding? You want to know the hardest thing about being back (and this is a totally vain and selfish concern)? My clothes aren't fitting right and I feel like I have no time to go to the gym or cook really good healthy food (we're living on boxed foods that I'm adding veggies to and trying to jazz up--so not adequate--and I know I'm making a futile excuse to myself about time and energy). I feel like I'm sausaging myself into my pants today and my sweater is clinging in all the wrong places. Meh. It's hard to feel comfortable back at work and in front of a classroom when my body feels so uncomfortable.
All else is well. E is making raspberry sounds like crazy (so soon!) and she's reverse cycling, or eating all night to compensate for not eating much at day care. That should right itself soon enough, I hope. W is fine, too, but sleep remains a challenge. He's been back in our bed for two nights in a row now and he's looking so tired during the day, too.
I feel like I'm doing nothing well because I simply have too much to do.
This will pass. I will get used to the schedule and routine. I will find time to work out some of these kinks. My clothes will fit again (dammit!). How are things in your world? *Yawn*
So I'm feeling completely slammed. My days are a long list of things to do: wash bottles, organize W's lunches and make sure he's getting enough fruits and vegetables, wash my work clothes and organize my pumping stuff, make my lunches, etc. I remember this feeling from when I went back to work with W--it felt then like I'd never adjust and that I'd always be working through long lists and doing prep work for everything to go off without too many hitches. And then I got used to it. I stopped feeling so slammed and overburdened. It started to feel like a normal routine.
Maybe I'll be there next week. I have so many comments I want to make (I'm going to spend some time at work today catching up on my blog reading...yay!) and there are posts in the hopper that I haven't had time or mental energy to complete. Soon, soon, I hope.
This working full time and parenting two little ones is hard. Heck, parenting in general is hard, who am I kidding? You want to know the hardest thing about being back (and this is a totally vain and selfish concern)? My clothes aren't fitting right and I feel like I have no time to go to the gym or cook really good healthy food (we're living on boxed foods that I'm adding veggies to and trying to jazz up--so not adequate--and I know I'm making a futile excuse to myself about time and energy). I feel like I'm sausaging myself into my pants today and my sweater is clinging in all the wrong places. Meh. It's hard to feel comfortable back at work and in front of a classroom when my body feels so uncomfortable.
All else is well. E is making raspberry sounds like crazy (so soon!) and she's reverse cycling, or eating all night to compensate for not eating much at day care. That should right itself soon enough, I hope. W is fine, too, but sleep remains a challenge. He's been back in our bed for two nights in a row now and he's looking so tired during the day, too.
I feel like I'm doing nothing well because I simply have too much to do.
This will pass. I will get used to the schedule and routine. I will find time to work out some of these kinks. My clothes will fit again (dammit!). How are things in your world? *Yawn*
Friday, January 6, 2012
sleep
It sometimes seems that the first few years of being a parent revolves around sleep. How do I get my kid to sleep on her own? How do I keep her asleep after the first few hours? How do I sleep when I have so much to do after the kid is safely in bed? Where should my kid sleep? What wakes my kid up?
I'm in the thick of sleep disturbances at the moment. W has been refusing to sleep on his own and we've let him back into our bed because honestly, he's going through a lot right now and we don't have the stomachs to make him sleep in the crib by himself. E sleeps, but she's got a perpetually stuffy nose and I haven't found a good place for her to sleep yet (crazy, I know...she's three months old and she's sleeping in a bouncy chair. And E also has really bad gas, so she screams in pain every hour starting around 2:30 a.m.--she's not awake, but she's not peacefully sleeping either. I think the bouncy chair is making it hard for her to release the gas and it builds up, thus waking us all at 2:30. And 3:30. And 4:30. You get the idea. Sleep is eluding us and I'm feeling completely stuck on how to solve any of these problems.
I'm not asking for advice because I know by now that there is no magic answer. Kids' sleep patterns are variable and unpredictable. I'm going to try putting E in the pack n play for sleep. We don't have a crib for her and are trying to avoid buying one, but W is not ready for the toddler bed, so there we are. Maybe the pack n play will work. The arms.reach co-sleeper is just not working no matter how I try it. I love the idea of the co-sleeper, but it didn't work with W and it hasn't worked with E. Does anyone have a good experience with them? Sigh.
I'm feeling a bit like a walking zombie these days and I'm really back to work the week of the 16th because I'll be teaching a class of 35 students. I'll need to be somewhat sharp in order to not feel completely embarrassed doing so. *yawn*
I'm in the thick of sleep disturbances at the moment. W has been refusing to sleep on his own and we've let him back into our bed because honestly, he's going through a lot right now and we don't have the stomachs to make him sleep in the crib by himself. E sleeps, but she's got a perpetually stuffy nose and I haven't found a good place for her to sleep yet (crazy, I know...she's three months old and she's sleeping in a bouncy chair. And E also has really bad gas, so she screams in pain every hour starting around 2:30 a.m.--she's not awake, but she's not peacefully sleeping either. I think the bouncy chair is making it hard for her to release the gas and it builds up, thus waking us all at 2:30. And 3:30. And 4:30. You get the idea. Sleep is eluding us and I'm feeling completely stuck on how to solve any of these problems.
I'm not asking for advice because I know by now that there is no magic answer. Kids' sleep patterns are variable and unpredictable. I'm going to try putting E in the pack n play for sleep. We don't have a crib for her and are trying to avoid buying one, but W is not ready for the toddler bed, so there we are. Maybe the pack n play will work. The arms.reach co-sleeper is just not working no matter how I try it. I love the idea of the co-sleeper, but it didn't work with W and it hasn't worked with E. Does anyone have a good experience with them? Sigh.
I'm feeling a bit like a walking zombie these days and I'm really back to work the week of the 16th because I'll be teaching a class of 35 students. I'll need to be somewhat sharp in order to not feel completely embarrassed doing so. *yawn*
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