slow start

I really miss going to the gym. I don't much care about how I look (though it would be nice to know that I could fit into clothes off the rack in any mainstream women's clothing store--not the case now). But I like the feeling of being easy in the world, and going to the gym gets me there. I often used to feel that running was like my meditation time. I would tune out from the world and pay close attention to my body. What was that twinge? Can I go another 10 seconds? Are my feet pronating?

As you can tell, I have trouble getting to the gym these days. Reason one: my knees are killing me. I've had osteoarthritis forever, but that's not the source of pain. It's the OTHER knee, the previously "good" knee. I think breastfeeding may have loosened up the joint and I've injured by trying to run on a loose wonky knee. And now, I can barely bend it. No running for Rachael.

Reason two: the breastfeeder, aka my son W. I work full time and then want to spend time with the babe, which means that the gym has fallen low on my list of things to do. I swore I wouldn't let this happen. Before I had a baby, which was just last year, I used to say that mothers should put themselves first. If a mother doesn't take care of her needs, she can't take care of her child. What a load of crap! It's not that I'm sacrificing myself for my son or anything noble. It's just that there are not enough hours in the day. And when he's asleep by 7:30 or so, could I go to the gym? Yes, if I wasn't drop dead exhausted!

I'm working on the first reason by seeing a doctor in a few weeks. I'm hoping he can do something to revive my formerly "good" knee. I just want to be able to kneel without pain. I can't even get down on the floor to play with W! And maybe when I stop breastfeeding (a topic for another post...), the joints will tighten up and all will be better.

unsure

I love reading blogs. They make me feel far less alone than I usually feel. But do I need to join the blogging world? Do I have anything unique and interesting to say?

Hm. I'm not sure. But here it is. Here is a place for me to write. Think. Explore. Understand (myself? other people?). Process. Make jokes. Figure out who I am and what this life thing is all about. Big expectations? Yup.

Maybe I'll try it for a while and see what happens.